Trading Cards on the Table

Well, I’ve gotten into trading cards. Can you blame me? Unopened packs are so cheap on eBay, Etsy, and at conventions…I can’t resist.

There was a time when every single property you could think of, from movies and tv shows to Marilyn Monroe and Pepsi, had trading cards. Now things have changed. Non-sports trading cards are still out there but in a diminished capacity, like an empire in decline. And that’s fine. There are still enough old, unopened card packs to go around.

Join me and let’s look at some of these 2.5″ by 3.5″ relics of the recent past.

The Card Game

I’ve invented a “game” that I make people to play: I put eight random trading card packs in a ziplock bag and make them choose one. They open the selected pack, show me the cards they got, and…that’s the end of the game. Everyone’s a winner!

I made a friend play this game a couple times. Here are the cards she got when she chose a New Kids on the Block pack.

My Turn

Months later, this friend gave me a trio of card packs, which I will open for you now.

New Kids on the Block

First, let’s look at New Kids on the Block. I think I’ve only heard one of their songs, “Step by Step,” because it sounds a lot like the theme song from Captain Planet.

I know Donnie is Mark Wahlberg’s brother and his card here is a sticker, but that’s really all I can comment on. These cards are mostly portraits and group shots of the band members and nothing else, so I can’t see how anyone (even the most ardent fan) would need more than a pack of these cards.

There are trivia questions on the back, like “What is Jordan’s favorite type of car?” Do you know? I’ll need card #80 to find out.

Free Willy 2

I’ve seen the first Free Willy a couple times because I had it on VHS, but I never saw Free Willy 2. I think Jason James Richter is in the sequel but not Lori Petty, right? Isn’t Beau Bridges in, like, Free Willy 4?

Oh, I didn’t know M. Emmet Walsh was in this film. I forgot there was a Free Willy cartoon, and I’m surprised to see a couple cards from that in this pack that’s specifically for Free Willy 2.

One of the cartoon cards has a charming maze on the back. Here’s a close-up so you can do it yourself:

The other cartoon card is a stand-up of “Randolph,” who I understand was also a character in the movies. Welcome to my shelf, Randolph.

X-Files: Season 3

I’ve saved the best for last. I should note that as of this time, I still haven’t watched the X-Files (it’s like the final ’90s pillar of sci-fi television I need to conquer), but I am 100% sure I’ll love it.

Mulder with a gun. Okay. And I know that’s the Smoking Man in the card next to him, but I don’t know what his deal is. Hey, what are the odds of getting a “fleshy skeleton in a body bag” card and an “alien in a body bag” card in the same pack? The ones at the bottom have neat artwork and are for specific episodes: “Talitha Cumi,” “731,” and “Pusher” – are any of these highly regarded?

More?

You know what? Let’s open two more packs.

Fantastic Four

Another friend gave me this 2005 Fantastic Four movie card pack. Everyone’s talking about the Fantastic Four right now, so it’s the perfect time to open it.

These cards are called “Movie Celz” which is a fancy way of saying they’re laminated. It’s pretty cool and I have the urge to stick one of them in my wallet, but which one? Maybe the puzzled Michael Chiklis card? The one on the top left is a “Holo-Cel” and it’s twice as thick as the others. I thought it was two that were stuck together at first because the wrapper said there’s six Celz per pack, and I only got five! Maybe the sixth is invisible.

Update: Turns out I was right. There was a card stuck to the Holo-Cel and I did get all six cards after all!

Snotty Signs Stickers

Each of these cards has one large sticker and two smaller ones. There’s no artwork, just text that would say something like “I love farts.” And one of the small stickers includes someone’s name, like “Jimmy loves farts” – if you were lucky (or perhaps unlucky), it would be your name. I feel like these were made to capture some of the “gross” energy of Garbage Pail Kids cards, but without any art, these are boring in comparison.

A stick of gum was included in the pack. This gum is very old.

I have no use for these stickers, and they’ve (mostly) lost their adhesiveness, anyway. A lackluster series/pack, and if you ever find one on sale, save your money and don’t buy it.