Dream Journal 2020

Dreams. The visions we see whilst unconscious, whilst asleep. But what exactly are they? Our brains processing what happened in the day? Messages from another universe or form of reality?

Who the hell knows. But one thing’s for sure – dreams can be interesting and worth writing down, and that’s exactly what I’ve done. The following is a description of my most noteworthy dreams from the year 2020:

The Dreams

• Ira Steven Behr had a band that I was a part of, and I wore shoes with cymbals on them. Then I went to another room to help someone use a Death Star playset to electrocute a Boris Karloff Mummy action figure.

• I was watching the last EVER episode of The Herculoids, which focused on Dorno. He had to rescue his dad from a space bounty hunter, then go to an abortion rights hearing in the US Senate to vote on behalf of Charles Dance, who couldn’t attend.

• I was in a video chat with Ricardo Montalban and he morphed into Mark Twain. He gave me a tour of his house and I saw all his family members.

• I watched a dystopian movie starring Diana Muldaur, where toys and action figures were outlawed. Then, my best friend Nicolas Cage (’80s era) came over and we ate pasta that was made in a blender.

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• No one was social distancing, but I went out anyway and visited Pee-wee’s regular house (not his playhouse), where he showed me his Deep Space Nine sticker collection.

• The crew of the International Space Station was “hangry,” so they ordered several square pizzas from Pizza Hut. This was the most delicious pizza I’d ever seen, like Ninja Turtles pizza come to life. Then a giant scorpion appeared in my sink.

• There was an ’80s film called Blood Vengeance IV that was a crossover between T.J. Hooker and Police Academy, starring William Shatner and Bubba Smith.

• Patrick Stewart was my partner on a group project, but he was always so busy that we never got a chance to work on it together, and it was all up to me to do it. I got him a king cake that I ended up sharing with random people outside in a parking lot.

• I was in a film class where someone set up a projector outside so we could watch Adventures in Babysitting with Roger Ebert.

• I ordered Chinese takeout for four people but forgot I had to feed the two kids from the show Ozark as well. I also microwaved a pizza that had free comic books under the cheese, which I gave to Norman Bates. Then Jack Torrance suddenly appeared and threatened all of us with an axe.

• There was a Masters of the Universe arcade game made in voxels, and you had to press and hold down various buttons to use each of He-Man’s different attacks. When you press all of them at once, he yells “I HAVE THE POWER.”

• I went to someone’s poolside graduation party and took their Blockbuster rental of the Bill Murray Garfield movie. After I got home (on a scooter that was also a vacuum cleaner), I watched the movie and my toilet exploded.

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• At Barnes & Noble I saw a demonstration of a Ben Franklin robot, a half-complete Thomas Jefferson robot, and a disembodied robot leg.

• I got in a car with Internet friends and we drove to Canada where they had free clinics, free beds (for naps?), and free snacks. On the way, we drove by Neil Breen’s Canadian doppelganger and the car slid into swamp water, but I stuck my arm out the window and grabbed a tree to pull us out.

• I was going through a dense forest, and a stick poked me hard in the chest. But wait, that wasn’t a stick at all – it was E.T.’s disembodied finger!

• I found a recording of an old birthday party and saw an octopus action figure. I went on Twitter asking about it, and someone said it was from Playmates’ Ninja Turtles line.

• My cat was going to sing at a concert.

• There was an episode of the Battlestar Galactica remake where someone was turned into a steel plate but didn’t know it, and the rest of the crew had to do everything they could to make sure he didn’t find out (get rid of all the mirrors, etc.)

• I became a state senator because all the people running against each other destroyed themselves and I was the only one left standing. I was going to start off by telling everyone that I’m going to be a laid back senator, until I realized that that’s not necessarily a good thing. I kept looking for a bathroom, but all the ones I found were only for rich people.

• I had the standard “teeth fall out” dream, but this time I saw inside my mouth; my teeth were sentient and having a meeting (presumably on who was going to fall out?). Their names were Oglethorpe, Quinlan, and Camden.

• There was a new Kill Bill movie that told Elle Driver’s origin story, but it was 90% animated and looked very cheap (à la Garo: Kiba Gaiden).

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• I started watching an alternate version of Star Trek V that involved a train heist, then I worked on a PowerPoint presentation about Joan Crawford.

• A celebrity at a comic con was supposed to hang out with a fan who paid a lot of money for one-on-one time. The celebrity cancelled at the last minute, and I had to take his place because I looked like him. “Before we start,” asked the fan, “I’ve always wondered how to pronounce your last name.” Not knowing the celebrity’s name, I replied: “Uhh…why don’t you give it a try and I’ll tell you if you’re wrong.”

• Robert Downey Jr. was in a new Jurassic World movie playing a random guy who caught on fire, and Chris Pratt’s character refused to help! Dr. Grant was also in the film and wouldn’t stop talking about the dinosaur that said “Alan” in Jurassic Park III.

• Star Trek: Picard season 2 was about a group of people who all experienced the Kataan probe (from The Inner Light) coming together to become monks, and they send Picard a flute in the mail. Also, Wesley’s back but he’s evil: “I don’t think he’s necessarily evil,” says Wil Wheaton in an interview, “just misunderstood.” Meanwhile, Tuvok is now a lawyer and wears a grey sweater.

• A movie titled Eureka came out the year before Tim Burton’s Batman, and heavily influenced its production. It starred a lot of actors who would later be in The Rocketeer.

• There was a Deep Space Nine episode where Dr. Bashir married into a weird horror family that everyone was afraid of. Members of this family included Stewie from Family Guy and Elvira. Ricardo Montalban officiated the wedding and Elvis (played by William Shatner) was also in attendance.

• In the season finale of The Walking Dead, people started turning into donkeys like in Pinocchio.

• There was a new Dragon Ball movie involving a jade frog, and Goku fights someone dressed like Aoshi from Rurouni Kenshin in the wreckage of a space ship.