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The Brand New Testament

November 21, 2019 Leave a Comment

In this 2015 Belgian film, God’s daughter Ea gathers six apostles and writes the Brand New Testament.

God working on computer

This is God and he’s a jerk

Plot Summary

God is a man who lives in an apartment in Brussels with his wife (Goddess) and daughter Ea. God controls everything that happens on Earth with a computer, the source of his power.

Chicken in movie theater

Me watching this film

Ea finally decides she’s had enough of God’s abusive behavior and breaks into his computer to broadcast the death date of every single human on Earth (the info gets texted to their phones).

Ea standing on water

Ea walks on water

She escapes the apartment by crawling through a washing machine, and with urging from her brother Jesus, goes on to find six apostles and create the Brand New Testament.

Ea with bird and apostle

Ea and one of her apostles

The rest of the film is about Ea finding each apostle and seeing how they deal with knowing exactly how many years (or days) they have left to live. Each apostle has their own unique backstory, and some are a little stranger than others.

Apostle in bed with gorilla

Wait, what?

Meanwhile, God purses Ea, but he’s an asshole to everyone he meets and ends up getting deported to Uzbekistan. With him out of the picture, Goddess gains control of the computer and resets everyone’s death dates, then makes the world a nicer, but weirder place.

Flower pattern in sky

Goddess changes the sky (among other things)

Thoughts

This was an imaginative, cute, feel-good movie, similar in style to a Wes Anderson film; so many memorable, whimsical visuals. It’s worth a viewing if you’re in the mood for something light (like I was after seeing Aniara) or want something to watch with your extended family during the holidays. But it’s not a film you need to drop everything and watch right away.

Apostle watches dancing hand

My favorite scene: an apostle’s missing hand dances on the kitchen table

Honestly, I’d even say the film is a little forgettable. It’s about on par with The Hundred Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out of the Window and Disappeared – a film I know I’ve seen, that I think I liked, but I can’t tell you a single thing about it. That’s how I’ll be with The Brand New Testament in a couple weeks.

Rating

3 out of 5 eggs rating

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Decade: 2010s Filed Under: Movie Reviews Tagged: comedy, fantasy, live action

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